


A Series of One-Sided Coversations

by Torchiclove



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Quarter-elf Kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 15:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12368802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torchiclove/pseuds/Torchiclove
Summary: Vex'ahlia speaks to her brother in the comfort of the woods.





	A Series of One-Sided Coversations

Vex'ahlia de Rolo does not have trouble remembering a path. It takes minutes to find it, tucked into the woods, _stealthy_. She runs her eyes over the bench, rough in construction but beautiful as anything she's ever seen, with Vax'ildan carved into the wood with unskilled hands.

She can already feel the tears welling in her eyes as she looks at it. It's only been three weeks since they'd lost him, since _she'd_ lost him, and it still feels like a fresh wound. She hates the temple now, can't stand to be in it, and it doesn't do her any good anyway. There's nothing but silence and cold and sadness in there, nothing but memories now tinged with bitterness.

So she finds her way, hesitant but determined, to the memorial that Pike built in the woods, and she sits upon the rough wood and closes her eyes. Her brother is there, right behind her lids, smiling and laughing, and it's like he lives there inside her head. Always in his best, throwing daggers and free of the fucking armor and the fucking ravens. 

She concentrates on that image of him, trying her hardest to reach out to his spirit out in the ether, but there's nothing. Just like the silent temple, the bench offers her no response to her grief.

Vex'ahlia gets the distinct feeling that her heart has fallen right out of her chest and she'll never get it back. She feels the emptiness that she's been fighting take hold of her. Her body goes cold, and it takes all she has in her not to scream out into the silent forest. She breathes hard, puts her hand on her chest to remind herself that her heart is still there and still beating. Every breath feels like knives, like _daggers_ , cutting her open from the inside. She swallows heavily the weight of her body sags against the bench.

"Vax?" She says out loud, eyes still closed, and she half expects to see him sitting there next to her when she opens them. "Vax, can you hear me?" That's all it takes for her to break again, tears streaming and breath gasping as sobs wrack her body. She is alone on the bench and alone in the world, without her twin. 

"I don't know how to do this. Please tell me how to do this," she chokes out, scanning the trees for any sign of him, but her vision is blurred by her tears and there is no Vax stepping sheepishly out from behind a tree, no Vax hiding expertly among the branches. He does not hear her pleading words or heaving sobs.

Vex'ahlia waits until she cannot wait any longer, until she knows Percy will start to worry, until she's out of tears and out of words. Her chest feels hollow and when she stands up it's like lifting a ton of bricks. Her knees wobble and she nearly collapses back onto the bench before she staggers home. 

Percival is waiting for her in the castle with a knowing look and soft words on his lips, and she watches his face crack as he sees her filled with such a profound sadness. He pulls her into a hug as soon as she gets close enough and Vex melts into his waiting arms, feels his own tears streaking down his cheeks as he kisses her softly. She doesn't have to say a word for him to understand. 

They hold each other like their arms are the only thing that will keep them from falling into pieces, and Vex is convinced that it's true. She has many more cracks to seal and mend now, a whole gaping chunk missing from her soul, but Percy is there and he is trying and in the moment the weight of her missing half lifts a little, and she feels her heartbeat return to her. She knows it will leave again and leave so many times after that but she holds on to the moments where it's there, fluttering in a cage of pressing darkness, and she clings to her husband.

 

Vex'ahlia feels the slow stutter-stop rhythm of her life knitting itself back together as weeks turn to months, and whenever she can she slips out of the castle and into the woods. She brings Trinket with her and pets his fur while she sits on the bench and talks to her brother—because he is there, he is listening, he will hear her. She tells him about her day, about Percival's new projects, about old memories that swirl around in her head and live beneath her eyelids. He listens avidly to her stories that, more days than not, end in tears and choked sobs. She always looks for a reply, but there is never one.

"I'm pregnant," she says one day, sitting on the bench, months after Vox Machina's world-saving escapades ended. She's finally broken the habit of wearing her armor everywhere she goes, but she still carries Fenthras with her. There's a long pause before she speaks again.

"It's funny, isn't it? When we were younger, I couldn't imagine being married with one on the way but, Gods, I don't know what else I'd want now. We thought we'd travel around forever, you and me and Trinket, and that's all the family we needed." A small smile creeps across her face. The sadness has becomes nostalgic, pleasant. It is starting to become less soul-sucking, less like being dropped in an inky ocean without a ship. 

"Percival and I are going to decide on a name sometime soon, I think, but I don't know what I want yet. Pike tells me that Sarenrae says it'll be a girl. But I have so many names to fill. I want to fill all the names that we've lost with new faces. I think we might name her after mom, or perhaps Percy's older sister. What do you think, dear?" She looks across the trees, and there is nothing. 

She huffs out a laugh. "You're never any help, Vax. Are you gonna laugh at me when I'm all big and pregnant and I can't fit in my armor?" She can hear it now, the teasing, but it's all worth the look on his face when he sees his first niece. 

And when her daughter is born, she holds her and cries, and all of Vox Machina comes to see her except for Vax. They decided on Vesper, and Percy claims that she's the spitting image of her, with the beginning of dark, wispy curls on her head and her father's eyes. Vex smiles with tears leaking out the corner of her tired eyes as she watches her husband cradle their newborn with a look of awe and disbelief. She watches him silently decide that for all his years of building this is the best thing he has ever made. She knows that he both means their new daughter and their new life, this existence that they'd constructed together.

Grog is amazed at how tiny she is, baby Vesper, and he cradles her with a gentleness that Vex didn't know he had in him. For all his recklessness in the past, Vex trusts him with this, although she doesn't let Vesper out of her sight if she can help it. Vox Machina insists that she needs to sleep, that they'll help her take care of the new baby, but Vex couldn't bear being apart from her, no matter how tired she is. Why would she want to spend a second away?

She watches, content, as Keyleth and Scanlan dazzle Vesper with magical cantrips. Pike sits to the side, unable to contain her smile, and she shares the occasional questioning look with Scanlan. Vex almost feels bad for opening that can of worms, but it's fun to watch her friends squirm. The weeks pass and things quiet down, everybody returns to their respective lives but make Vex promise to find them as soon as anything happens, as soon as Vesper starts to walk and talk an do _anything_ that her family might want to see. Vex happily agrees, but she's a little relieved at the solitude. 

And when she is ready, she bundles up her baby and gives Percival a kiss on the cheek and escapes to the woods to show her to the one relative that has not come asking yet. She finds the bench, starting to show slight signs of weather.

"Her name is Vesper," she starts quietly, "Everyone loves her. She has to be the most loved baby in all of Exandria." Vesper coos gently and Vex melts all over again, amazed at how much she could love one tiny little thing. 

"And I know it was really funny when we taught Velora swear words, but you're not allowed to do that with her. I really mean it, I've already told Scanlan I have my eye on him." She thought momentarily of when her daughter would start to speak, what her first words would be, how Vax's face would shift and crack when he heard his name tumble clumsily from her tiny lips. She held her daughter closer, and a tear trailed its way down her cheek.

Her heart had not healed. It shuddered and stopped and escaped her sometimes, but more often than not, it stayed in her chest and beat faithfully. 

And in the far distance, as Vesper reaches up a tiny hand to wrap around her mother's finger, a raven caws.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently I only write sad shit now.


End file.
